


bloodstained petals

by bossheeseung



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood, Death, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love, first person POV, heeseung has hanahaki, i'm so sorry heeseung, indirect mentions of other members, no other ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:07:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29183751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bossheeseung/pseuds/bossheeseung
Summary: 'It'd be a great memory to end with, really. Especially because he was nice to me today and I was able to spend some time with him alone. Today was probably everything I've ever asked for, seeing that this is the most that they can do.'
Relationships: Lee Heeseung/Park Sunghoon
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> uhmm before you start reading i'd like to say that this is in first person pov, in a diary format, unlike how most of my fics have been!  
> make sure to read the end notes when ur done!

_Tuesday, September 28th._

_\- Entry 1._

_Just how long have I been coughing up these goddamn petals? Maybe days now._

_I remember when I was young, I loved these flowers, whatever they may be. Those white, bright flowers in which their petals dangled from the stamen, and they looked so pretty under the sunlight. Oh how I would've loved for him to give some to me._

_Yet now I look upon those flowers with hatred, as every moment in which I see a petal of that flower, it not only reminds me my life is draining slowly down the line, but also that he doesn't like me back._

_It's pathetic of me, really, that I've been doing nothing but moping for these past days when I could be spending my last moments with everyone else. And yet here I am, writing in a diary of my last days upon this Earth. And it's even worse I had to get death bestowed upon me by flowers and love. Flowers and love have more control of myself than I do now, right?_

_These flowers are annoying- every time it gives me this horrible feeling and lets me know in advance another flower is about to be spewed out from my throat, where ever it even came from. And when I open my mouth and take those petals out, it leaves a disgusting after feel as well. I don't know how many times I've swallowed those things back down my throat, in case I look suspicious in front of others._

_But it's not like I can do anything anymore._

* * *

_Sunday, October 3rd._

_\- Entry 2._

_Why is it that this only hurts more? Am I really coughing these petals along with stems now?_

_I can feel the roughness of the stems as they somehow come up from my throat, and the stems scratching against my throat every time._

_I can't even swallow these anymore, and I've been avoiding the six of them for two days now. I know they're worried, but I can't let them see me like this. I've only locked the door and said I didn't want them to get sick from me._

_Because I can no longer hide the fact I have Hanahaki to anyone in plain sight. And what will they do if they find out? Probably question me on who is unknowingly controlling me. If only they knew it was one of them._

_It's all happening so fast... Why can't I just go back to those days where I was happily living my life? What sin have I committed for I am at this state now? I'm not very much into my life, but here I am, life already getting taken from me in just a few more days or weeks._

* * *

_Friday, October 8th._

_\- Entry 3._

_I've just been thinking about how funny it would be if I ended up passing away on my birthday._

_What a great birthday gift that would be, right? And if I ended up passing away before my birthday? God, I didn't even get a chance to celebrate my last birthday. How bittersweet._

_But if I lived for my birthday, I'm not sure I'd be able to hide my disease away from them, even if they would just pop into my room and give me some cake. I can't even eat anymore, for all I can think of is the slimy taste of those petals and stems in my mouth._

_And for a fact, I've been coughing up blood too. Red used to be such a pretty color..._

_What an funny sight to imagine- a young man choking up a pile of petals and stems, staring at the bloodstained flowers in his hands as the red liquid drops down his wrist. One, by one, by one. And he doesn't do anything, because there's nothing to do and there's nothing he can do. He's too late, too late to have that other man love him back, and too late to lose his feelings for that other man that got him into that situation. Realistically, it's all his fault._

_What's even funnier is that you don't have to imagine it, for I'm that foolish man. If I had been just smarter to have realized I was looking for trouble when I began liking him, my best friend for god's sake, then I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. But he's an attractive and charming guy, and what was I supposed to do?_

_I'm sure many people have fallen for his charms- it's really hard not to. Hence why I'm where I am now._

* * *

_Thursday, October 14th._

_\- Entry 4._

_One day before my long awaited birthday. I've waited so long for my birthday and I can remember being excited just a month ago, talking happily with them and them promising me to give me a great birthday._

_My birthday can't really be great at this rate, given my current state. I can only pray that I don't end up surrendering to death before I turn a new age, and that tomorrow these petals might be nicer to me and not show up while I'm with them. It's the least these petals can really do, for they've ruined my life._

_But then again, I unknowingly chose this upon myself the moment I became friends with him._

_I don't even know what I've become. When I look at myself in the bathroom mirror, all I see is a foolish, pale faced man who stares at me with a blank face._

_I'm a whole different person. I no longer have that tan skin and confidence I once had. I have no more determination, but I can't blame myself for that because there's no getting me out of this disease. I have no more knowledge, was it really washed away the moment I started liking him? Love really has many risks, huh._

_Everything about me has changed and crashed down in just a month. Besides the fact that I still love him._

* * *

_Friday, October 15th._

_\- Entry 5._

_There's 2 more hours until this day ends._

_I'd have to admit, it wasn't as dreadful as I thought. I didn't cough many flowers while I was with them, and when I excused myself to the bathroom when I did cough some, they didn't bother me. I'm grateful for that._

_They gave me cake, and he smeared some frosting on my cheek, laughing._

_"Once you get better, hyung, we're gonna take you-" One of them had said._

_But I didn't pay attention to the rest._

_Get better? When was I gonna get better? I'm sitting here, writing this down and I don't even know if I'll live to see the sunlight tomorrow. Afterall, I'm almost sure I have only one or two days left, at most. Least I'll have is probably just a few more minutes. I'm surprised I even found the strength to pull myself out of this bed to meet them today, but I guess I told myself that it's the last moment I'll have with them, and the last moment they'll have with me._

_It's a great memory to end with, really. Especially for he was nice to me today and I was able to spend some time with him alone. Today was everything I've ever asked for, seeing that this is the most they can do._

_It's also been a fun time writing in this diary. I've always enjoyed writing, and so at least I'm able to pursue something for one of my last moments on this Earth. It's like I'm talking to this diary, rather than talking to them because that's the coward I am._

_Hopefully they remember the name 'Lee Heeseung' as years pass. Hopefully they can pick this diary up, and Park Sunghoon will know of my feelings, my feelings which I was never able to tell him of._

_If I do wake up to a new day, maybe I'll be able to tell Sunghoon about my feelings and document it down._

_If not, it's only fate being who it is. We just weren't meant to work out, and one of them suffers more than the other. Big deal. I'm willing to take the suffering for him, if it's what it takes._

* * *


	2. the letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunghoon reads Heeseung's letter that he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just decided to include this and drabble it down

_Hey Hoon,_

_I know that by the time that you've picked this letter up- hopefully you found my diary or I'd be just writing this to no one right now- I'm probably not by your side anymore. I hope you aren't sad for that long, or that you're blaming yourself if you are at all. I remember you saying that you really didn't know what you'd do without me in your life. Maybe it's time for you to experience that._

_From the moment I've ever laid eyes on you, you were the most precious thing in my life. You've always been there for me, and I know you told me to promise to tell you if something's wrong. I'm sorry I couldn't keep that promise until the end, in the moment which I should've. You've always told me that you loved me, not in that way, I'm sure, but I love you too. So, so much, beyond words that can describe. You've helped me become an overall better person._

_I really do hope you're not blaming yourself. If you're ever going to live on with your life feeling guilty when you find someone else better than me, find someone else that you'll spend your whole life with, I promise you that you shouldn't worry about that. As your best friend and someone who cares and loves you more than anything else in the world, all I want is for you to be happy. I shouldn't be selfish and keep you to myself, after all. Just promise not to completely forget me as years go by, alright?_

_When I found out that I had Hanahaki after researching about it, my immediate thought was you. Not from anger, not the fact that I know you can't offer the romantic feelings back to me. But just how was I going to tell this to you? I wanted to tell you everything, believe me. But I guess I'm too much of a coward to do that, and I'm sorry you're only finding everything out when I'm already gone. If you're going to try and bring me back again, it's no use Hoon. I'm already gone from this world, but I promise that I'll watch over you, alright? It's not your fault anyhow- maybe you could've helped if I'd had told you while I was still alive._

_Friendship doesn't last Hoon. I really wished that we would last. I think maybe we could've, if the gods were on my side. I've never been a lucky person but I was lucky enough that you were in my life. Still, I guess I do attract bad luck, hence why I couldn't even live past my 30's. But most friendships won't last Hoon. I'd like for us to last. Even if I would remain admiring you from afar. But I hope that you'll find someone better than me who is able to stay with you until the end._

_I'd like to write more, Hoon, I really do. But my muscles are only aching more and more by day. Yet another thing I regret- not writing this letter to you sooner. Hoon, hyung is so sorry for everything. There's so much I never got to tell you. There's so much broken promises which I've told you- I hope that you can forgive me for that one day._

_It's sad, isn't it? I'm sitting here, enclosed in this small dark room crying, yet I've done this to myself. I can hear you 6 all talking. It's good, that you guys are okay. I love you 6 so much, and you guys were the best things that happened in my life until the end._

_I love you. And I always have, always will._

_\- Your one and only, Lee Heeseung_

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading... comments and kudos are appreciated!!


End file.
